while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize