i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize