I heard we made out
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
