Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
