No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
