Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
