I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
