Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
