I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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