my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
