You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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