I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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