I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
