I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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