My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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