Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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