wanna go halves on a baby?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
