The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize