yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
