she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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