Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
