remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
