Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
