sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
