I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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