Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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