party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
