Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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