wakey wakey hands off snakey
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
