**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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