the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
