I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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