I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
