I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
