I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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