the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
