His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
