If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Im part way to drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
