Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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