70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
