Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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