My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
