I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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