u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
