Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
