meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
