God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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