ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
