I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
