Ambien. No doubt about it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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