Apparently you make a good broom.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
