I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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