Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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