He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
