you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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