Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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