Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
