yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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