I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
