Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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