im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
