She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
