so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
