How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
