Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
