I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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