T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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