Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We have so much sex to catch up on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
