One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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