when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
