My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
