dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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