Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
