Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
